✨Rest & Nest: The End of Proving Season✨

January, in the Celtic Tree Calendar—as taught to me by the ACER Integration Community led by Dr. Rosalind Watts—whispers:

“This is the month of nest & rest. Time to stop the relentless productivity.”

I’ll second that. And I’ll raise it with a mic drop:

Time to stop the Four P’s: proving, producing, performing, and people-pleasing.

(Yeah. Those old frienemies.)

What I’ve recently untangled is that these Four P’s? They’ve just been sneakier versions of my old Self-Abandonment loop—wearing nicer shoes.

Yikes.

And here’s the kicker (you knew this was coming): these aren’t new behaviors. This is vintage material. Straight from my “Women Who Love Too Much” days.

Here’s how that doctrine crystallized for me, after two years of deep study with my girlfriends:

“Am I a project or am I a partner?”

How to tell the difference?

If I believe that if I just say it the right way, try harder, love harder, fix it better, then my beloved (read: project) will heal into their highest potential and finally be able to love me the way I want?

That’s uncut, pure bullshit.

And here’s another premium-grade bullshit belief:

I can talk someone into wanting to be a partner.

Nope.
Only they can do that.
And most don’t.

Fast forward: I met my full-partner husband. He loved me exactly as I was. Married me. And then—plot twist—I discovered I was the project.

(Reader: he did not say a word. He let me catch up. God love him.)

And I did. I grew into a full partner, over 28 years of real life, real devotion, and a lot of reckoning. We did that together.

Fast forward again—eight years past his death—
and I just caught myself running the same script…
but with me.

I turned myself into a project.
"If I just prove I'm worthy… perform like a damn triple-A personality… build an awesome business from scratch… then I’ll be good at loving myself.”

Cough...
Bullshit.
Cough.

It doesn’t work that way.

And I’m so damn grateful I caught myself mid-spin.

So I’m back to Rest & Nest.
Back to regulating my nervous system.
Back to the window of tolerance—
not hyper, not hypo. Just… here.

Calm and ready.
Seated in my worth.
Receiving pleasure—non-transactionally.

Gooo girl.
Change on a dime.
Thanks, microdosing.
Thanks, body that notices.
Thanks, Self who won’t numb out even when ice cream and a dumb show sound like a great idea.

We’re doing this differently now.
Rooted. Rested. Ready.